Just for me...

Here I am several days after. Each day is better. A little less sad, a little less angry, a little less hurt. Then today happened. I have been trying to reach an Uncle because I don't know if he knew or not. I had been nervous about reaching him for several reasons. One if he knew and didn't call me I knew I would be mad and hurt. The other if he didn't know the fact that I was telling him. Turns out, he knew. I was surprised that I wasn't as mad as I had thought I'd be. He said he didn't feel it was his place to tell me. Mmmm, I sortof understand. However, further into the conversation he reveled that my dad actually told him not to contact me. I guess my dad's way of adding more salt to the wound. Ouch. Also in this conversation, I asked if he would prefer me not to contact him anymore and he agreed. Ouch...if I wasn't having a difficult time dealing with the fact my Mother is dead, that no one contacted me, but now I have lost an Uncle who I truely respected. That is respected until today. :(
I look at my girls and I think how can family ever act this way? Could I ever turn my back on them? The answer is simple, no. They would always be a top priority in my life. I believe that stems from the fact of good role models. The people I call my family. The ones who took me in and taught me about love, honesty, family, values, forgiveness and unconditional love. For that I am eternally greatful. For that I have hope for the future.
I am still sad that my Mother is dead. I think it will take time before I heal. I am unsure of my next step. I have questions, concerns and way to many thoughts running through my head. I spoke to a councelor and they suggested I write my feelings down...so here I am.